My spam emails.

If my spammy emails were real, my life would be fan-bloody-tastic. Here are a few examples;

• Elaina Sexkitty - Hey RosieSlark you wanna video chat with me tonight? Hello Elaina. Yes, I would absolutely love to have a video chat with you. Since having the baby I have lost touch with the majority of my friends so it would be really fab to start making some new ones. Maybe we could go to see that new film that's out at the cinema? I will see if I can get a babysitter.
• McDonalds - Claim your $100 voucher now. That's marvellous and super handy as I am a seriously disastrous cook and my children's meal are a good 75% McDonalds based. Could you please convert the voucher into pound sterling for me? 
• MillionaireDate1 - A millionaire in your area wants to meet you. *blush* Does he really want to meet ME? Oh gosh! Wow! I have never been too bothered about how much money a man has when I've dated him before but if he really wants to meet me, then who am I to stand in his way?
• Natural Cannabis - Get your free kit while its still legal. I don't smoke the reefer, or anything else for that matter. I have been very stressed out recently though but the fact that its edging on not being legal and could quite possibly be banned very soon is off putting. Sorry.
• Free TV Tickets - Could you have missed Ant & Dec & Simon Cowell? I sincerely hope so.
• PaymentPlanLoans - Get 5k & pay back in instalments. I need £5,000 but I cant pay you back at the moment because I have bought the children personalised pyjamas from the catalogue and I am still trying to pay off that debt.
• Sveltlana - Wanna hook up later? Thanks but I'm meant to be going to the cinema with Elaina SexKitty. Maybe we can do next week? I'm free anytime apart from Tuesday when I have to take my son to football training. Let me know.
• Search Diabetes - Get rid of diabetes forever. You can eradicate diabetes? Oh my goodness! That's amazing! I don't personally suffer from diabetes but I know people who do and they will be over the freaking moon when I tell them theres a cure. Good work people.
• Age Test - You are not as old as you think. Really? Because with all the trouble and strife I've been through it feels like I've lived 100 lifetimes and each year has its own special furrow on my face.
• Clairvoyant Chris - Something important will happen to you soon. OK, Chris but is it something good or something bad? If its something that's good I'd like to have a heads up so I can look forward to it. If its bad I think I'd rather wait and let fate play itself out.