Out of the mouth of babes.

"You need a new boyfriend, Mum", declares my six year old daughter as we are driving along one day this week. The very thought sends shivers down my spine. I would quite happily take a very long leisurely soak in a bath of battery acid then go through another relationship breakdown. I have resigned myself to the fact that I shall grow old and die lonely, bitter and resentful. However, not wishing to pass the beacon of life failures on to the second generation I entertain my daughters preposterous idea. "Maybe, but I don't really go anywhere to meet any potential boyfriends, darling", I say smiling. "We could make leaflets and hand them out in town", says the little face in the passengers seat. "What would the leaflets say?", I ask cautiously. "They would say, Do you want to marry a beautiful lady? Please call this number if you do" she says. My heart melts a bit. Thinking this is the cutest thing that has been said to me for a long time I ask her if she really does think I am beautiful. Her answer went like this; "That's the trick you see, Mum. When you are handing out the leaflets you are wearing a mask. Nobody can see you! You would get lots of boyfriends phoning you up asking to marry you". Deflated, I enquire a tad more about the mask she recommends I should wear. Apparently its a mask with a beautiful lady's face printed on it. Great. For some reason my grip on the steering wheel tightens and I can feel my eyes starting to leak a bit. I reach out and into the glovebox to retrieve my sunglasses and put them on. Luckily for oncoming drivers these dark specs cover 75 percent of my repulsive boat race. A silence descends on the car. Both my daughter and I are thinking about the Boyfriend Plan. One more favourably than the other. I am thinking further along in the operation. If I do lure a man with this gorgeous mask and fabulous marketing material, what would happen when I meet up with him and eventually take the mask off? I tell my six year old the gaping flaw in her plan and instantly wish I hadn't. She seems upset she hasn't thought the plan through well enough. "Oh well, Mum" she says shrugging, abandoning all hopes of a boyfriend now that I have to reveal myself Scooby-doo style thus shattering the beautiful lady disguise. "Maybe you should get another cat instead?".